In Season 3 of the Dick Van Dyke Show neighbor Millie Helper (Ann Morgan Guilbert) auditions for the annual New Rochelle PTA talent show. For her audition she sings an ‘original’ (unnamed) song which I’ve decided must be called ‘My Heart’. Surely it is one of the most wonderfully odd comic songs of all time. And although not credited, this must be the work of the brilliant Carl Reiner, the show’s producer.
My heart got a smash in the face
That night I will never erase
You saw me standing ‘neath the
Sun and the stars and
I was something to see
Then you took hold of my aching heart
And kicked it right in the knee
My heart has a terrible scar
I’ll get you for this
Wherever you are
But first I’ll kill myself
I’m funny that way
But seriously darling
The episode is available streaming on Netflix, just look for Season 3, Episode 5, Too Many Stars.